How Are YOU?

Before, when someone said to me “How are you?” I didn’t think they really wanted to know so I seldom answered and they hardly noticed.  Then I discovered that it was simply the next thing to say after you say ‘hello’.

Times change and thankfully so has my perspective.  On any given day when I’m asked pointedly, “How are you?” invariably I answer, “Phrantastic!” That puts a whole new spin on the conversation.

And you know what? I really mean it!  Yes, I do.  If by some strange quirk I feel less than Phrantastic at the moment I really can’t give that answer.  In fact, I have been known to wake up as Phranny Poo-poo.  More than once if the truth be told. BUT I do not ever have to stay that way.

I’ve been around the block a few times, waddled and rolled in the mud, fallen on my face, had a few chips on my shoulder and even ridden a high horse.  If you don’t get bumps and bruises as you go through life then lay down because the major part of you is already dead.

And I’ll tell you a portion of what I’ve learned.  No matter what I look like, the style or condition of my clothes, color of my hair, what car I drive or how I drive it, where I shop or where I live, the phone company, the electric company and the bank will still take my money.

Worried about what your family and friends will say when you start living your life your way? My father had the best advice on that. I remember him telling me that there would always be some people who will agree and others who will disagree with anything and everything I did.

If I went out all of the time someone would say, “She’s always running out. What’s the matter with her house? Why can’t she stay home?”  On the other hand, if I stayed home all of the time there could be an equal comment of, “Why is she always stuck in the house? I wonder what the matter with her is.”

Dad would sum up with, “Decide what you want for yourself. Do what makes you happy.”  Best advice I ever got.  Thanx Dad.

A favorite saying of mine is:  What you think of me is none of my business.

It all comes down to a matter of perspective. Your perspective.  I believe it was Wayne Dyer who said, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” He may not have been the first person to say that but he was the first person that I heard say those now famous words.

To put it all together – since this is my life I’m living (not yours, my children’s, friends, or family’s life) I get to live it the way I want to.   My life reflects my thinking. When I don’t like what I see out there, I change in here, in my head, my thinking.

When I wake up as Phranny Poo-poo I have the opportunity to be creative and change my mind.  I decide what kind of a day it will be and if I want to live that day and live my life as Poo-poo or Phrantastic.  Since it’s totally up to me I choose Phrantastic.

BTW I’m working on Phranominal.  OH! I could be Phranominally Phrantastic! Or Phrantasticly Phranominal!

What kind of a day are you having?  What kind of a life are you living? You can always choose again.  Why not?  I did.

Prosperity

For so many years I felt I was struggling to get by, being careful to pay the rent on time, cook only what would be eaten, use cloth towels and napkins instead of paper and always buy clothes on sale. I was a single mom working full time and raising 3 beautiful children by myself.  I felt ok but not prosperous.

Actually, I don’t even think the word prosperity ever crossed my mind. Prosperity meant “lots” and “extra” and “excess”.  We didn’t have that but we had enough.  We never went hungry and always had clean clothes to put on.

Now I know differently.  Prosperity, true prosperity, doesn’t mean how much you get.  True prosperity means how much you give.  And I’ll tell you the truth.  Every time I give away I get back more. It doesn’t matter what is given either.  I do a favor and someone takes care of something I need.

Here’s an example. In my neighborhood there is an extra strip of grass bordering the street. The neighbor on my left has the same size strip that I do. While I was cutting my strip of grass, I kept going and cut my neighbor’s strip too. I’m sure he noticed but he never said anything.

A week or so went by and as I was pulling into my driveway I noticed that my strip of grass was freshly cut and I didn’t do it. My neighbor did and never said a word.

The story continues.  A week later when I cut the main part of my lawn I continued on and cut the few feet of my neighbor’s that borders my property. Besides, it made my property look bigger. Again, not a word was said.

The next day I came home and saw that the whole front of my yard had been trimmed with an edger.  I didn’t do it.  I don’t have an edger.

I have had flat tires in the middle of the night and a stranger would come along and help me.  My car was totaled and a friend loaned me a car so I wouldn’t have to pay for a rental and could leisurely shop for another car. 

Do you see what I mean? Every time I freely extend myself without asking for anything in return, I get more than paid back.  I get lots. I get extra. I get excess.

Is that prosperity? You bet.

I don’t care what the economy looks like.  We live in a prosperous world.  All you have to do is look.  Observe.  Open your eyes and be aware of what is going on all around you.  Prosperity is there for the giving.  The measure you give is the measure you get. You’ve heard that before. I didn’t make it up.

An organization I belong to was giving a luncheon and needed help. I signed up.  They wanted to serve tomatoes. As far as I’m concerned, the best tomatoes come from the local Farmers Market. I took the time to drive there to get the best. Tomatoes were going for $1.50 to $2.50 a pound.  To make sure there were enough tomatoes for everyone and some extra, I bought 25 pounds. I swear I never asked for a discount. I paid a mere $20. They were the best I ever tasted.

Here is my suggestion to you.  If you want to feel really prosperous, even beyond prosperous to magnanimous (I love that word – magnanimous) give something away to a person so that the person has no idea from whom or where the gift came like paying the toll for the car behind you.

Here are a few more prosperity suggestions:

• Give an extra tip in a restaurant.
• Give a real compliment to the next 5 people you meet.
• Let someone in front of you in line.
• Praise a child with something that is true about them.
• Hold the door for the person behind you even if you have to wait for them.
• Look in the mirror and say, “I love you” to the face looking back at you.
• Sing a song while you drive in traffic.
• Write down 5 different blessings you receive each day for a month.
• Feed the birds.
• Be grateful for trees. You’re breathing their breath.

Give with gratitude and you’ll feel good.  Feel good and you’ll feel prosperous.

You are more prosperous than you could ever realize.  You have fresh air to breathe, clean water to drink and bathe in, a roof over your head, food to eat, clothes to wear and most importantly people to love.

How much should you give in order to feel prosperous?  Give as much as is needed in order for you to love to give.

BLESS Meditation

For all of you who meditate and for all of you who don’t, you just may want to try this new meditation that I have developed.  After you’ve gone through it a few times you’ll be able to use it for a quick break and when you have more time, to sit with it for as long as you desire.

Each letter of the word BLESS reminds us of another step in this meditation. 

B – breathe
L – link up
E – expand
S – sink inward
S – surrender

As you sit in a comfortable position with your feet flat on the floor, allow your eyes to close and your body to start to relax.

Breathe.  Take 3 long, slow, deep breaths.  With your first breath breathe in clarity and wisdom, breathe out doubt and confusion.  On your second breath breathe in understanding and acceptance, breathe out judgment and criticism.  On your third breath breathe in love as you breathe out forgiveness.  As you breathe in your own cycle, focus on breathing into your heart.

Link up with Love, Creator, God, The Source, Oneness or your Higher Self.  With each breath you take, in your own natural rhythm, breathe into your heart and feel your connection.  Continue breathing into your heart.  Feel the fullness of your connection.

Expand that feeling.  Let the fullness and love you are experiencing extend through out your whole body so that every single cell is filled with love, peace and comfort.  Every single cell, filled with love.

Sink inward.  Relax and allow the feeling to deepen as you continue to breathe into your heart. 

Surrender yourself to the experience.  There is nothing to think about. Let yourself simply be.  You are loved and filled with love.  Rest for a few moments in the silence.

The above is the basic format and can be changed to suit the direction that you want the meditation to take.  For instance, in the expand section, after you have expanded your consciousness to include all of the cells in your own body, you could expand the thought to include the space surrounding you, the room you’re in, your community, and building up the increments to include the world or the universe.  You could expand via people, i.e. the person next to you, the others in the room, family and friends, etc.  Or to include a project, new home or job and envision it already here, seeing it in your mind’s eye, embracing it fully and completely.

B.L.E.S.S.  So simple.  An easy method to relax, connect, feel peaceful, take a break and at the same time to be a blessing to yourself and everyone you meet.  Make no mistake.  What you think and what you feel affects everyone around you.

Blessings!

In Gratitude for Shadows

In this morning’s meditation as I breathed in the scent of new clover, I was thinking of all the things for which I am grateful.  I’m sure you’ve done that – made or thought of a list of all the thing for which you give thanks.

For instance:  There is always some food around either in the refrigerator, the freezer or on a pantry shelf so I’ll never starve.  There is a roof over my head that keeps out the rain and wind. In the bedroom is a great mattress with clean sheets to sleep on and plenty of clean clothes from which to choose so I don’t have to go naked.  And I can wash my body any time I want to with hot, cold, warm, tepid, cool or steamy fresh water right inside my house.

I can talk to people without them being there even though face to face is always my favorite.  My eyes can still read books which I hold in my hands and my brain understands.  I also like to read books my brain doesn’t understand right away and has to stretch to encompass a new concept.

All of the above is easy to think about and to be thankful for.  But, you know what I am even more grateful for?  The down times, the dark alleys, the deep shadows, the valleys that I have slid into and then crawled through to face a seemingly way too steep mountain smack in front of me.

Those were the times that I learned about patience, willingness, grief, compassion, acceptance, and forgiveness which brought me to a deeper understanding of what life is all about and why I’m really here in the first place.

The lessons were hard to learn and learn them I did.  Without them I would not be the person I am today.

How would I be able to comfort a friend if my own heart had never been broken? How could I even think of suggesting to a loved one to drop the bag of grudges, hurts and slights if I had not first learned how to forgive by having someone to forgive?

If the hardest one to forgive is yourself then treat yourself as your best friend who you would quickly forgive and forgive yourself.  If you’re having difficulty forgiving a parent then think of them as a little child and forgive the little child. Your parent was probably hurt as a child and needs forgiveness at that level.

Take a good look at your own life.  You’ve come through some pretty hard times and you’re still here.  Why?  You must have a special something that needs to be shared, begs to be accomplished, longs to be experienced.

You’re alive because there is a spark of life in you that shines.  Let it shine.  If you had no spark you would have no life.  Every time you take a deep breath breathe into your heart and fan that spark. 

Give thanks for your shadows.  Without shadows you would have no depth and life would be flat.  Shine on!

A Year To Live

That’s the name of a book I’m reading written by Stephen Levine. It’s an interesting concept and thought process, one that we in the west avoid like the plague or stepping in puddles.

We all know we’re here for a very limited time. Even if we live to be 100, how long is that compared to the history of the world? The minute we take a first breath we will one day take a last breath.

Many years ago, when I was in my 30’s and raising 3 children by myself, I thought I was having a heart attack and about to die.

I remember it like it was yesterday. The 3 children and I were having dinner when I got a massive pain in my chest so I excused myself from the table. I didn’t want to fall face down in my soup and spoil their dinner.

Walking alone into my room I sat in a chair and starting thinking about my life; if I had any regrets, anything left undone, a project uncompleted, something to apologize for or something left unsaid. I was fully prepared to die right there on the spot. No time to call a doctor, so I didn’t.

I came up with 2 items. There was a gift recently purchased that hadn’t been given. No one knew about it nor for whom it was meant. My new love would never know about his present.

The other item was my parents. The phrase “I love you” was never mentioned in the house in which I grew up. They probably did love me but they never told me and I never told them. I wanted them to know that no matter what they felt or how they felt toward me, that I did love them.

This may come as a surprise, but, I did not die that day. In fact, I’m still quite alive as I write this.

After the pain passed that day, plans were made for a 1500 mile road trip to visit my parents. I didn’t want to just tell them over the phone. A full scenario was planned from parking the car in their drive way, being the first out of the car, walking up the path and ringing their door bell. I wanted to grab my father first and give him the biggest hug he ever had in his life and tell him to his face, look right into his eyes and say, “I love you, Dad!” Then repeat the same with Mom.

The scene was played over and over in my head while I patiently waited for the trip to eventualize. In the meantime, I gave the gift.

Finally the day arrived and the 4 of us packed ourselves into the car and drove a day and a half to Mom and Dad’s.

I parked the car in their driveway, barely turned the car off and jumped out. I had to be and was the first one to walk the path to the door and ring the bell. Immediately the door opened and there stood Mom and Dad. The scene played out as planned. I grabbed Dad, threw my arms around him and he hugged me too. Looking into his eyes I said, “I love you.” With a bit of an “of course” sound in his voice he said, “Well! I love you too.” I was pleasantly shocked.

Next was Mom. We reached for each other and hugged. I said, “I love you.” Mom said, “I love you too.”

Since that time there has never been a phone conversation with them or anyone else in my family that has not ended with the words, “I love you.” That practice has expanded today to include my friends as well.

How about you? Do you need to be at Death’s Door to take stock of your life? What are you avoiding? Forgive your mistakes. Love yourself. Give everyone the same amount of room that you require. How would you live if you knew you had exactly one year from this date to live?

Plan to live forever. At the same time, expect to die this moment.